Stephen Webb, a professor of religion and philosophy, wrote a rather satirical essay that might have sparked a firestorm amongst soccer players and liberals. Webb decided to take on social critique and has clearly made statements against one of America’s most prestige and played sport: soccer. In this essay, Stephen Webb’s intellect, or lack of, is placed on full display as he articulates four weak explanations of the ruin that soccer is inflicting upon America.
Beginning with a dull assessment, he writes of the world’s most beloved sport: “Soccer is clearly an important means by which American energy, drive, and competitiveness are being undermined to the point of no return.” Following many opinionated comments about soccer, Webb puts fourth four points to support his claim.
First, he states that any sport that requires use of the feet is bad, because while “hands are divine, feet are in need of redemption.” Second, he argues that sports should be about breaking kids down, not making every kid a winner: “When I was a kid,” he explains, “Baseball was the most popular sport precisely because it was so demanding.” To add to the outrageous remarks, isn’t baseball considered a slow pace sport due to many fouls and strike outs? Webb’s third argument states that “Soccer is a foreign invasion.” He later contradicts himself by declaring that rather it being a foreign plot to overthrow America, the promotion and execution of this “boring” sport is domestically self-inflicted and encouraged by overworked families who have turned to soccer for its promise to exhaust their children. His fourth and last unrealistic point claims that “Soccer is a sport for girls, because they are too smart to waste an entire day playing baseball and do not have the bloodlust for football.” Ignoring his sexism, he argues that since girls have the common sense not to play a bloodlust game of football and are more devoted to the “paradigmatic feminine experience of childbirth”, soccer is just the sport for them. Apparently softball doesn’t make the cut as a “demanding and intimidating” sport.
Ultimately, Webb’s arguments are so contradictory that readers have taken to arguing online whether or not this article was actually a lame attempt at satire. Take Amy Maestri for example. She counter-argues every point Webb has made and proceeds to call him an “ignorant insane ass” for what she initially believes to be a serious and non-satirical essay.
Beginning with a dull assessment, he writes of the world’s most beloved sport: “Soccer is clearly an important means by which American energy, drive, and competitiveness are being undermined to the point of no return.” Following many opinionated comments about soccer, Webb puts fourth four points to support his claim.
First, he states that any sport that requires use of the feet is bad, because while “hands are divine, feet are in need of redemption.” Second, he argues that sports should be about breaking kids down, not making every kid a winner: “When I was a kid,” he explains, “Baseball was the most popular sport precisely because it was so demanding.” To add to the outrageous remarks, isn’t baseball considered a slow pace sport due to many fouls and strike outs? Webb’s third argument states that “Soccer is a foreign invasion.” He later contradicts himself by declaring that rather it being a foreign plot to overthrow America, the promotion and execution of this “boring” sport is domestically self-inflicted and encouraged by overworked families who have turned to soccer for its promise to exhaust their children. His fourth and last unrealistic point claims that “Soccer is a sport for girls, because they are too smart to waste an entire day playing baseball and do not have the bloodlust for football.” Ignoring his sexism, he argues that since girls have the common sense not to play a bloodlust game of football and are more devoted to the “paradigmatic feminine experience of childbirth”, soccer is just the sport for them. Apparently softball doesn’t make the cut as a “demanding and intimidating” sport.
Ultimately, Webb’s arguments are so contradictory that readers have taken to arguing online whether or not this article was actually a lame attempt at satire. Take Amy Maestri for example. She counter-argues every point Webb has made and proceeds to call him an “ignorant insane ass” for what she initially believes to be a serious and non-satirical essay.